Written by: Oluwabiyi Esther Ayomide

Girl’s Stuff at Villpress is a weekly series where we talk about real-life issues girls face, from relationships to self-esteem and everything in between.

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that seemed perfect at first, only to realize later that it wasn’t what you thought it was? Amaka’s story is one of love, heartbreak, and personal growth. In this interview, we dive into her journey of discovering what truly matters in a relationship and how she found the strength to move on when things fell apart. Can you relate to her experience?

DIALOGUE WITH AMAKA

QUE: Amaka, thanks so much for being here with us today. To start, could you share a bit about where you’re from and what life was like for you before you met Dayo?

Amaka: Thank you for having me. Lived in Kumasi, Ghana. My Dad worked as a human resources manager in an international company in Kumasi. Growing up, my parents worked hard to make sure we had everything we needed, and they taught me early on the importance of discipline and working towards your dreams. I’m the firstborn, so there was always this sense of responsibility to set a good example. I’ve always been focused on my education and building my career. I didn’t think much about relationships at that time; everything was about school and making something of myself.

QUE: Sounds like you had a strong foundation So, when did you start feeling like something might be missing in your life?

Amaka: Yeah, as I got older and more focused on my career, I started feeling like something was missing. I was happy with my life, but I wondered if there was more to it, like if I was ever going to meet someone who understood me, not just because of my ambitions but as a whole person. I wasn’t searching for a relationship, but the thought did cross my mind maybe it’s time for something deeper, something that could make life even more fulfilling. That’s when I met Dayo.

QUE: Oh, wow So, how did you two meet? What was your first impression of him?

Amaka: It was at a friend’s party, and I wasn’t really in the mood for it. I went mostly to support the friend, but when I saw Dayo, I was intrigued. He wasn’t like everyone else there, trying to get attention. He was calm, just observing the whole scene. There was something about him he had this quiet confidence, and his eyes were different. So, I walked up to him, and we started talking. The conversation felt easy. We were old friends catching up.

QUE: That sounds like an amazing connection. What did you two talk about when you first met?

Amaka: It started as casual talk, you know, about the party, the people around us. But then, it quickly went deeper. We started talking about our goals, what we were passionate about, and what we wanted out of life. He shared how he wanted to start his own tech company, and I shared how I was interested in business and building something meaningful. It felt natural and exciting to talk about those things with him. I remember thinking, ‘This is different, this could be special.’

QUE: It’s great that you clicked right away. Can you share any special moments you had early on in your relationship?

Amaka: There were so many. But one that sticks out was when we decided to take a day trip to Lake Bosumtwi. It was just the two of us, no big plans, just a drive to get away. We packed some food and drove out there. The lake was beautiful, and we just sat by the water, talking about everything in life: our dreams and our values. It felt so peaceful and connected. We were just in the moment, enjoying each other’s company. That day made me feel like we were building something real together.

QUE: That sounds so romantic How did Day Continue to show you how much he cared as the relationship grew?

Amaka: Day Wasn’t into big gestures or anything. But he had this way of showing he cared in little, thoughtful ways. He’d leave me notes just simple things like ‘You’re amazing’ or ‘I’m proud of you.’ One time, I was feeling down, and he showed up with my favourite snacks, ukelele and tea. It wasn’t just about the little things, though; it was about the consistency. He made me feel valued every day, and that’s what mattered the most to me.

QUE: It sounds like he knew how to make you feel loved. Did you two ever talk about your future together?

Amaka: Oh yes, we had a huge conversation about the future one afternoon in a coffee shop in Kumasi. We were there for hours, just talking about where we saw ourselves in the next few years. Day Shared his dream of starting a tech company, and I talked about my own goals for business. We also talked about travelling together, experiencing the world, and just living life on our terms. It was amazing because we both had similar dreams and we saw a future together. It felt like we were on the same page, and that was special.

QUE: It sounds like you two were really in sync with each other. But at some point, things started to change, right?

Amaka: Yeah, unfortunately. It wasn’t obvious at first. Day started becoming a little distant, nothing too noticeable at the beginning, just small things like cancelling plans or not texting as much. I didn’t think too much of it at first. But then, it kept happening. I started wondering what was going on. Was it me? Was he just busy? Then, one night, he cancelled plans with me again, and that’s when I began to feel like something wasn’t right. It just didn’t make sense anymore.

QUE: That must have been tough to deal with. How did things unfold from there?

Amaka: Well, I tried to be patient, but it kept getting worse. One day, I found out from a friend that Dayo Had been spending time with someone else. I was completely blindsided. I never expected it, especially after all the time we’d spent talking about our future. I felt betrayed, hurt, and confused. I kept asking myself, ‘How did I miss this? What happened to the guy I thought I knew?’

QUE: I can’t even imagine how painful that must have been. How did you handle the hurt and the confusion?

Amaka: At first, I didn’t know how to process it. I felt numb like I was living in a dream. But after some time, I reached out to my close friend, Ama, and she helped me. She reminded me of my worth and encouraged me to focus on myself and my healing. It wasn’t easy, but I started getting back to the things that made me happy, focusing on my career and spending time with my family. Slowly, I realized that I needed to let go. I had to accept that it wasn’t the right relationship for me, no matter how much I had hoped it would be.

QUE: That takes a lot of strength. What would you tell someone who’s going through a similar situation?

Amaka: I would tell them not to lose sight of who they are. If you feel like things aren’t right, or if you feel unappreciated, it’s okay to walk away. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. It’s tough but focus on your growth and healing. Take care of yourself first. And always remember A bird in hand is worth two in the bush.’ If someone can’t value you for who you are, then they’re not the one for you. It might hurt now, but it’s better to let go and make room for the right person to come along.

QUE: That’s such powerful advice, Amaka. Looking back on everything, do you feel like you’ve learned something important through this experience?

Amaka: Yes, I’ve learned that love should never make you lose yourself. I’ve learned to trust my instincts more and not ignore the signs when something isn’t right. But the most important thing I’ve learned is to love myself first. You can’t expect someone else to love you if you don’t love and respect yourself. Once I started doing that, I felt stronger, and I knew I was ready for something better when the time came.

QUE: Aisha, thank you for opening up with us. We talked earlier about how things ended with Dayo, and it sounded like that was the last chapter for you two. But looking back… was it over right then?

Aisha: You know, there’s a saying back home that says, ‘What the eye loves, the heart won’t easily let go.’ I think that was me with Dayo. Even after the breakup, I found myself running back to him time and time again. I knew it wasn’t healthy, but it was like I was caught in a storm. Every time I tried to pull away, something about him pulled me right back.

QUE: Wow, so he stayed in your life even after the breakup. How did that happen? Did he reach out first?

Aisha: Yes, he’d reach out, and every time he did, it was like the pain of the breakup would just melt away. He’d call me at odd hours just to check in or say things like, ‘I miss talking to you.’ And just like that, I’d get pulled back into his world. He had this charm, you know? I’d start convincing myself that maybe he’d changed, or that things could be different if we tried again.

QUE: That must have been confusing. So, what was it like reconnecting each time? Did he ever promise to make things work?

Aisha: Not exactly promises, but he’d say all the right things. He’d tell me he missed the times we had, that he wasn’t happy with the new girl he was seeing. He’d bring up memories and moments we shared that I had thought were special. I’d start to think, ‘Maybe he does care about me. Maybe he regrets leaving.’ So, I’d go back, only to find myself in the same situation over and over again.

QUE: What did your friends think of this? Did they know you were still seeing him?

Aisha: Some of them knew. And they were worried. My closest friend, Ama, would say to me, ‘Aisha, don’t let him take your peace.’ She could see what was happening even when I couldn’t. She’d tell me to value myself, to see that I deserved more. But at that time, I didn’t want to hear it. I was still clinging to the idea of who he was when we first met. My friends would watch me go back to him, but they didn’t push too hard because they knew I had to come to terms with it myself.

QUE: It sounds like you were caught up in that cycle. Did you ever feel like you were losing yourself?

Aisha: Oh, completely. I was giving him parts of me I’d never given anyone before. I started ignoring my own needs, putting his happiness above mine. I’d skip plans with friends if he asked me to see him. I stopped spending time with my family, who noticed I was different. I just wanted to be available for him, in case he called. My whole life started revolving around him, and each time we’d fall apart, I’d feel emptier. There was a point where I looked in the mirror and barely recognized myself.

QUE: That must have been heartbreaking. Did he ever give you any sign that he wanted something more serious again, or was it always unclear?

Aisha: It was always unclear, and that’s what hurt the most. There were times I thought he’d come back, like when he’d get close, tell me he missed me, even apologize for what he did. But then he’d pull back, leaving me hanging again. It was like he wanted me nearby but never fully committed to me. The hardest part was realizing I was giving so much of myself to someone who couldn’t give me the same in return.

QUE: How did you finally break free from all of that? Was there a specific moment where you realized it had to end?

Aisha: Yes, there was. My mother has this way of knowing when something isn’t right. One night, she sat me down and said, ‘Aisha, when you give too much of yourself, you lose your light.’ Her words stayed with me. I realized I’d been dimming my light just to keep his burning. I was losing who I was just to be what he wanted, and I knew it couldn’t go on. So, I decided to step away. I deleted his messages and ignored his calls. I cried a lot, but each day, I felt a little bit lighter.

QUE: That takes so much strength, especially after going back so many times. How did you find peace within yourself after all of that?

Aisha: I started focusing on things I love spending time with my family, going out with friends again, diving into my studies. I realized I had dreams and goals that were put on hold while I was stuck on him. I even picked up painting, something I’d loved as a child. Slowly, I started feeling whole again. I understood that I was more than just someone’s option. I was worthy of someone who’d choose me fully.

QUE: That’s incredibly inspiring, Aisha. Do you have any advice for anyone going through something similar, who might feel caught up in the same kind of cycle?

Aisha: Yes, I’d say don’t give your whole self to someone who only gives you a fraction of theirs. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you question your worth. Sometimes, letting go of someone who makes you feel small is the bravest thing you can do. It hurts at first, but there’s a light that comes when you stop dimming your own just to keep someone else around. Remember, love shouldn’t make you lose yourself. It should let you grow.

QUE: Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Aisha. I know it will speak to a lot of people who may be feeling lost in their situations.

Aisha: Thank you for letting me share it. I hope someone out there hears this and finds the courage to put themselves first. It’s a journey, but it’s worth it.

Sometimes, breaking free from a past relationship can feel like escaping a loop you didn’t even realize you were stuck in. Many girls find themselves repeatedly drawn back to someone who once made them feel special, even when they know deep down it’s no longer healthy.

So, how can girls truly let go and move on?

1. Remember Your Worth – Recognize that a relationship should never make you feel less than. If you keep going back, ask yourself: Am I being valued, or am I just being convenient?

2. Create Distance – This is tough but necessary. Block their number if you need to, unfollow them on social media, and cut off ways they can keep popping back into your life. Out of sight, out of mind is a real thing, and it works.

3. Rediscover Yourself – Focus on what makes you, you. Pursue your hobbies, go out with friends, or even try something you’ve never done before. The energy you used to spend thinking about them can now be invested in yourself.

4. Lean on Your Support System – Friends, family, and people who genuinely care about you can be a great support. They’ll remind you of who you are and why you deserve someone who truly values you.

5. Trust the Process – Healing isn’t immediate, but it’s worth it. Each day without them, you’re rebuilding yourself and finding strength you didn’t know you had.

Letting go isn’t easy, but remember this: you’re not letting go of love; you’re letting go of something that was holding you back. The right love will let you grow and be yourself no holding back, no losing yourself. You deserve that, and you’re stronger than you think.

I BELIEVE IN YOU GIRL