This thing called heartbreak looks unreal until one experiences it. There is a popular question: Can love alone really change someone? Adeola thought it could, and she gave everything to help Ose break free from his womanizing habit. But soon, she realized that sometimes, trying to save someone else only ends up hurting you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thank you for joining us, Adeola. Your story is incredibly moving, and we know it wasn\u2019t easy to go through. But let\u2019s start at the beginning. Who was Adeola before meeting Ose?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Adeola<\/strong>: ” There are some parts of my story that are difficult to share, but I believe speaking out will help others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Before I met Ose, I was a focused, God Fearing girl. I was what you might call a “helper” to people. My friends used to tease me, saying I was like a \u201cmother hen\u201d because I was always trying to fix everyone\u2019s problems. My parents raised me with strong values and encouraged me to keep my faith in God. I grew up in a deeply religious home, and I took my faith seriously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was in school, working part time at a caf\u00e9 on Uromi Road to support myself and focusing on my studies. I believed in doing the right thing, in being a good person. I had a simple vision for my life: get a good education, help those around me, and always stay close to God. I\u2019d say I was content back then. My life may have been simple, but it was fulfilling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: People naturally flocked to Ose. He had this charm that made him seem like he could do no wrong. Ose was one of those people who could make anyone laugh. He was the funniest guy in our class and quite brilliant too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n On the surface, he seemed like a good person. He was even a regular at church, though it was clear that his churchgoing was just routine. Ose didn\u2019t really know God. For him, it was more about appearances, I think. But I believed he had potential. I thought he just needed someone to show him the right path, someone who could guide him. Everyone else saw his charm, his wit, but I thought I could see something deeper \u2013 a good man waiting to be found. I thought he was someone I could help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But they say that the teeth are close to each other, yet they don\u2019t share secrets. Despite how close we were, there were things about him I didn\u2019t know. At first, I didn\u2019t realize he was struggling with any kind of addiction. He hid that side of himself well. By the time I understood the depth of it, I was already invested.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: It started out slow. After a long lecture one afternoon, he offered to walk me halfway home. I\u2019d just finished a shift at the caf\u00e9, so I was tired, but his energy was contagious. Soon, walking home together became a routine. He\u2019d wait for me outside my workplace or after class, and we\u2019d just talk. He was funny, thoughtful, and seemed genuinely interested in who I was. Little by little, I started spending more time at his lodge, helping him with assignments, sharing stories, and talking about life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Before I knew it, I was staying over at his place late into the night, sometimes as late as 9 p.m. My friends and roommates weren\u2019t happy. They\u2019d tell me, \u201cAdeola, you\u2019re spending too much time with this guy.\u201d They didn\u2019t understand why I was so drawn to him. But I just laughed it off, thinking they didn\u2019t know him like I did. To me, he was like a puzzle waiting to be solved. I thought I could help him find himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: It wasn\u2019t something I noticed right away. Like I said, he kept it hidden. Then one day, I went to his place after work, and he was smoking. I remember feeling surprised, but I didn\u2019t make a big deal of it. I thought maybe it was just an occasional habit, something he\u2019d outgrow. But then I started noticing a pattern. He\u2019d drink, smoke, and sometimes he\u2019d get so drunk he couldn\u2019t even walk straight. I\u2019d find him passed out on his couch, surrounded by empty bottles, and it would break my heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In our culture, there\u2019s a saying, \u201cOmi loun to eru baba e; omode o le we\u2019n, a ko gbodo we\u2019n.\u201d It means you can\u2019t carry someone else\u2019s burden for them without being washed away. I thought that if I just stayed close enough, I could carry his burden with him. But it was like I was the one who ended up carrying the weight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: Honestly? No, I didn\u2019t. I thought I could be his rock, the one person who wouldn\u2019t give up on him. I thought that with my guidance, he\u2019d come to see his worth and turn things around. I\u2019d pray for him, talk to him about his future, encourage him to quit, but he\u2019d always slip back into his old ways. I felt a responsibility to him. It wasn\u2019t that easy for me to just walk away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But I didn\u2019t know this then. I thought his burden was mine to bear, that somehow I was meant to be the one to help him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: Yes, it did. There was one night that changed everything. It was around 10 p.m., and I went over to check on him because he hadn\u2019t shown up to class that day. When I got there, he was incredibly drunk. His words were slurred, and he was swaying. I tried to help him to bed, thinking he just needed to sleep it off, but then he grabbed me. His grip was strong, and he wasn\u2019t himself. I tried to push him off, but he kept trying to pull me closer. It felt like he was someone else entirely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I managed to lock myself in his bathroom. I stayed there for what felt like hours, praying and asking God for strength. Eventually, he calmed down, and I came out. When he saw me, he started crying, apologizing over and over. He said he didn\u2019t know what had come over him and begged me to forgive him. And I did. I wanted to believe he meant it, that he was sorry and would change. But deep down, a part of me knew that this was something I couldn\u2019t handle alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: It was a shock. I never thought he\u2019d do something like that. But he was so remorseful, so broken afterward, that I forgave him. I told myself it was the alcohol, not him. We even grew close again after that, but I could never forget what happened. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I wanted to help him, but I also started feeling like I needed to protect myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was crying for him, carrying his problems as my own, but I was losing myself in the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: No. My school was far from home, and I didn\u2019t tell my family. I didn\u2019t want them to worry or judge him. I kept everything to myself. I thought maybe, somehow, it would all work out. I thought that if I just prayed harder, if I just believed in him a little more, he\u2019d find his way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: There\u2019s an old Yoruba saying, \u201cA kii fi iresi kankan je isu meji.\u201d It means \u201cYou cannot use one grain of rice to satisfy two people.\u201d I was giving all of myself to him, but I was losing myself in the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I felt so far from God. I used to be that girl who wouldn\u2019t miss a service, who prayed every day. But with Ose, my priorities shifted. I was spending so much time and energy on him that I forgot to take care of my own spirit. My prayers turned from personal growth to begging God to change him, to save him from himself. But I started feeling empty, like my soul was drying up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: I remember it so clearly. One day, I was at the caf\u00e9, working my shift when he called, saying he was in trouble. I rushed to his lodge, only to find him in a rage, shouting about things that didn\u2019t even make sense. He looked at me and said, \u201cYou think you\u2019re better than me? You think you can change me?\u201d His words hit me like a slap. I thought I was helping, but he saw it as judgment. I realized then that he didn\u2019t want to be saved, not by me, anyway. I couldn\u2019t carry him if he wasn\u2019t willing to stand up for himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: Crushed. I walked down the street that day feeling like the world had just fallen apart. I felt stupid, like I\u2019d been chasing after a shadow. All the prayers, all the sleepless nights, everything I had poured into him felt wasted. But in that moment, something shifted inside me. I finally understood that he didn\u2019t want my help. I\u2019d been trying to save him, but he didn\u2019t want to be saved. And I couldn\u2019t keep letting him drag me down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I had been halfblind in my hope for him, ignoring all the signs. I realized that to get my life back, I had to fully open my eyes and walk away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: It was tough, honestly. I spent weeks trying to piece myself back together. I had to reconnect with the person I was before Ose. I went back to church, started praying more sincerely, asking God to help me forgive myself for getting so lost. I was angry at myself for not seeing the truth sooner, but I also realized that it was a lesson I needed to learn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I poured my energy into my studies, spent more time with friends who genuinely cared about me, and gradually started feeling lighter. It was like I was rediscovering my own worth and remembering that I deserved to be treated with respect and kindness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: We had one last conversation. I told him that I needed to move on for my own sake. I explained that I couldn\u2019t continue to let his choices destroy me. He didn\u2019t have much to say, just a shrug and a bitter smile, as if he had always known it would come to this. I walked away that day with a clear mind and a heavy heart, but I knew it was the right decision. I prayed for him, but I also let him go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adeola<\/strong>: I feel\u2026 stronger. Going through that experience taught me about boundaries, self-respect, and the importance of self love. I still believe in helping others, but I also know that I can\u2019t lose myself in the process. I realized that I am not responsible for fixing anyone else\u2019s life, especially when they don\u2019t want to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s a saying in Igbo, \u201cO bu onye kwe, chi ya ekwe\u201d \u2013 \u201cWhen a person agrees, his Chi ( Personal God ) agrees.\u201d<\/strong> If someone doesn\u2019t want to change, there\u2019s nothing anyone can do to make it happen. I\u2019ve learned to focus on those who want to be uplifted and to protect my own peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thank you for sharing your story, Adeola. It’s clear you’ve grown so much, and I believe your words will help others who might be going through something similar.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n If Adeola\u2019s experience can help even one person, then it wasn\u2019t all for nothing. We\u2019re all here to grow, learn, and become better, but sometimes, that means knowing when to let go and trust that God will guide us back to ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I Believe In You Girl<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This thing called heartbreak looks unreal until one experiences it. There is a popular question: Can love alone really change someone? Adeola thought it could, and she gave everything to help Ose break free from his womanizing habit. But soon, she realized that sometimes, trying to save someone else only ends up hurting you. Dialogue […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":5240,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[177],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[333,332],"class_list":{"0":"post-4941","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-girls-stuff"},"authors":[{"term_id":333,"user_id":4,"is_guest":0,"slug":"esther90","display_name":"Oluwabiyi Esther Ayomide","avatar_url":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/Esther-Ayomide-96x96.png","0":null,"1":"","2":"","3":"","4":"","5":"","6":"","7":"","8":""},{"term_id":332,"user_id":3,"is_guest":0,"slug":"sebastianhills","display_name":"Sebastian Hills","avatar_url":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/sebas-96x96.jpg","0":null,"1":"","2":"","3":"","4":"","5":"","6":"","7":"","8":""}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/zh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4941","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/zh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/zh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/zh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/zh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4941"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/zh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4941\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5306,"href":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/zh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4941\/revisions\/5306"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/zh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5240"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/zh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4941"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/zh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4941"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/zh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4941"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/villpress.com\/zh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=4941"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}And then Ose came into your life. Tell us about him.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
How did you two become close?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
When did you first realize he was struggling with addiction?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Did you think about leaving then?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
So you kept going back. But it sounds like things got darker. Tell us about that.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
That must have been terrifying. How did you deal with that afterward?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Did you ever share this with anyone?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
And how did this impact your own faith?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
What was the turning point for you?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
And how did you feel after hearing that?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
That must have been incredibly hard to come to terms with. How did you go about moving on?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Did you ever confront him again, or was that the end of it?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Looking back now, how do you feel about everything?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n