Interview by: Oluwabiyi Esther Ayomide
Girl’s Stuff is a weekly series where we talk about real life issues girls face, from relationships to self esteem, and everything in between.
Let me introduce you to Sandra, a vibrant, creative woman who’s full of life. She’s the type of person who loves deep conversations, spending quiet moments together, and really connecting with her partner. But life had other plans for her when she met Ola, a hardworking, driven guy in the tech world. This is her story about dating a tech bro, her struggles, and ultimately realizing what she needed most.
Dialogue With Sandra
QUE: Hi Sandra Thank you so much for joining me today. Can you introduce yourself for the readers?
Sandra: Of course My name is Sandra, and I’m 26. I work as a baker cakes, pastries, desserts, you name it. I absolutely love what I do because it allows me to be creative and make people happy. There’s just something magical about baking. When I’m not working, I’m usually either experimenting with new recipes or spending time with friends. I’ve always been a bit of a girly girl, into fashion, makeup, all that stuff.
QUE: Baking, that’s wonderful So, Sandra, let’s dive into the story. How did you meet Ola?
Sandra: Oh, Ola… (laughs) It’s funny looking back now. I met him at a friend’s birthday party. I was actually there because I had baked the cake for the event, and I remember being so stressed about getting it just right. I wanted everything to be perfect. Ola came up to me while I was setting it up, and at first, I thought he was just another guy making small talk. But then he started asking me all these technical questions about the cake, like how I managed to get the frosting so smooth. I was impressed that he noticed those details.
As we talked more, I found out he was a software engineer, and he started explaining how he loved solving problems and building things from scratch, much like I do with my cakes. We clicked instantly, and I thought, “Wow, this guy is different.”
QUE: That’s such a sweet way to meet So, what was dating him like in the beginning?
Sandra: Honestly, it was amazing at first. He was so passionate about his work, and I loved that. We’d have these late night conversations where he’d talk about coding like it was some kind of magic. He’d even compare it to baking sometimes, saying how both require patience and precision. I was fascinated by his world, even though I didn’t fully understand it.
But… you know, after a while, things started to change. I didn’t realize what I was getting into. I just believed everything would become clearer as we moved forward, but it didn’t.
QUE: What changed?
Sandra: The deeper we got into the relationship, the more I felt like I was dating his laptop instead of him. His work became everything. He’d spend hours on end coding or attending virtual meetings, and I was left in the background. At some point, we’d argue over the smallest things. I remember once we almost had a full blown fight over how I pressed the toothpaste from the middle. He was like, “Why are you pressing it like that? It’s not efficient” It felt like everything in his life had to be optimized, even the toothpaste
QUE: Wow, that must’ve been exhausting.
Sandra: It really was. There were times when I felt completely invisible. I’d come home from a day at the bakery, excited to tell him about a new recipe I tried or a cake I designed, but he’d be glued to his screen. I’d say, “Hey, can we talk?” and he’d just nod absentmindedly, barely listening. It was like I didn’t exist when his laptop was open.
I remember going back to my parents’ house one weekend, and as soon as I walked in, my sister screamed, “Sandra, you’ve lost so much weight. What’s going on?” My mom even asked if I was stressed, and I just shrugged it off, saying, “No, I’m fine.” But the truth was, I was going through a lot. I just didn’t want to admit it.
QUE: That sounds really hard. Did you ever confront him about how you were feeling?
Sandra: I did, but it was complicated. Ola had this idea that we should have “alternative relationships.” One day, he casually suggested that since he was so busy with work, maybe we could each have someone else to hang out with. I was almost admitted to the hospital from the shock I was like, “What? You think I should just find someone else while you focus on your career?”
I dragged him to the kitchen that day, and I lost it. I shouted, “Are you normal?” It felt like I was living in one of those Mr. Macaroni skits, and he was dead serious. He just calmly replied, “We talked about this. You know how busy I am.” That was the moment I knew things were falling apart.
QUE: Wow, that must’ve been a lot to deal with. So, what made you stay as long as you did?
Sandra: I guess part of me kept hoping it would get better. I didn’t want to give up on us too easily. I kept thinking maybe I could adjust, that maybe I wasn’t being understanding enough. But looking back, I was just lonely. I wanted someone who was present, who made me feel seen. It felt like I was dating a machine. And honestly, the relationship made me feel older, like I was carrying a weight I wasn’t ready for. It was a mess, but a serious lesson.
QUE: That’s deep. So, from your experience, what should someone expect when dating a tech guy?
Sandra: Don’t get me wrong, tech bros are driven, smart, and often very sweet. But dating a tech guy means you need to prepare for a relationship where their work might come first. There’s always a new project, a new deadline, or some technical issue that needs their attention. They’re problem solvers by nature, and sometimes, they don’t know when to switch off.
On the flip side, they’re also incredibly creative and thoughtful in their own way. Ola used to surprise me with small gestures, like bringing me new kitchen gadgets for my baking or sharing apps that could help me organize my orders better. I liked that about him.
QUE: So, what were the positives for you?
Sandra: The positives? Well, he pushed me to think bigger. Being with him, I started considering how I could grow my business and take it online. He was always supportive of my passion for baking, and in his own way, he encouraged me to dream beyond the kitchen.
And then there were those moments when he would step away from work, and we’d have really deep, meaningful conversations. He wasn’t a bad person at all; he was just consumed by his work. But I wanted someone who could be present, someone more… emotionally available, I guess.
QUE: That makes sense. So, what would be your advice to girls currently dating tech guys?
Sandra: I’d say, if you’re dating a tech bro, be ready to be patient. Tech is a demanding field, and sometimes it feels like there’s no off switch. But also, don’t lose yourself in the process. Don’t sacrifice your own needs and happiness just to make it work. If you feel like you’re not getting what you need from the relationship, speak up. And remember, it’s okay to want more, more attention, more connection. You deserve someone who’s fully present with you, even if they’re busy.
QUE: That’s solid advice, Sandra. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Sandra: Thank you for having me. It wasn’t an easy story to tell, but I hope it helps someone out there feel less alone. Dating a tech guy isn’t easy, but there’s always a lesson in every experience.
Conclusion:
Sandra’s story is a relatable glimpse into the ups and downs of dating someone in a demanding career like tech. While tech bros may come with their challenges, long hours, constant focus on work, and the occasional emotional distance, they also bring creativity, ambition, and a unique kind of support to the relationship. For anyone dating a tech guy, patience, communication, and knowing your own boundaries are key.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that relationships are about balance. You should never feel like you’re losing yourself or your happiness in the process of making it work.
I Believe In You Girl
Disclaimer
The names, places, and events in this story are not real. They were created to keep everything private and confidential. Any similarity to real-life people or events is just a coincidence.
