Written by: Oluwabiyi Esther Ayomide
Girl’s Stuff at Villpress is a weekly series where we talk about real-life issues girls face, from relationships to self-esteem and everything in between.
INTRODUCTION:
They say, “If you sit with the village gossip, sooner or later, your name will be in their mouths.” And in my case, when you surround yourself with people living recklessly, you’ll start following the same path before you know it. That’s exactly how I ended up here, facing the consequences of choices I thought were harmless at the time.
Dialogue With ITUNU
QUE: Itunu, thank you for taking the time to share your story with us today. To start, can you tell us a little about the kind of family you grew up in?
Itunu: Thank you for having me. I come from a very strict family. My parents always made sure I knew the importance of respect, hard work, and doing things the right way. At home, I was the “good girl.” I always followed the rules, went to church, and kept my head down in school. But honestly, I didn’t always feel like I fit in with everyone. The other kids seemed so free like they didn’t have as much pressure on them. I wanted that kind of freedom, too, but I didn’t know how to get it. I didn’t know that feeling of wanting to break free would lead me to make decisions I now regret.
QUE: It sounds like your upbringing was pretty structured. So, what led to the change when you got older?
Itunu: Everything changed when I moved to Lagos for university. I was 19, and it felt like the world was suddenly open to me. No more strict rules, no curfew, no one to keep an eye on me. I could do whatever I wanted. At first, it felt liberating, but there was also this deep sense of loneliness. The people around me seemed so confident, so self-assured. I was still trying to find my place, and I realized that maybe I didn’t have to be perfect anymore. I could finally be free. But what I didn’t understand then was that freedom came with its kind of pressure. And I ended up making some bad choices just to feel like I belonged.
QUE: So, how did your social life change when you got to Lagos? Was it a big adjustment for you?
Itunu: Yeah, it was a huge change. I met these girls on campus who were everything I wasn’t. They were outgoing, confident, and always surrounded by people. They were the kind of girls everyone always knew at the best parties, dressed in the latest trends, and just living the good life. At first, I just watched them from the sidelines, but over time, I got closer to them. They made me feel like I could be part of that world too. They seemed to have everything: popularity, attention, and this incredible “glow.” And I wanted that. I wanted to be noticed, to be admired. But I didn’t know how to get it.
QUE: It sounds like a lot of peer pressure was at play. Did that influence your decisions?
Itunu: Yes. At one point, I decided to go with them to a party. It was on Labu Road in Lagos, not far from the school. It was my first time at a party like that, and I was nervous but also excited. I remember walking in, and it felt like everyone was looking at me. The music was blasting, people were dancing, and the energy was contagious. I thought, “This is where I belong.” The girls I came with made sure I felt welcome. That’s where I met Ose. He was charming and popular, and everyone seemed to like him. He made me feel special, like I was the most important person in the room. I didn’t even realize how much I was falling for the attention.
QUE: How did things go after you met Ose? Was it the fairytale you had imagined?
Itunu: Well, it didn’t take long before Ose and I ended up spending the night together. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I was doing. It felt like everything was moving so fast, and I was swept up in the moment. He made me feel important, but then after that night, everything changed. He stopped replying to my texts, and I quickly realized he wasn’t serious about me. I found out he was seeing five other girls at the same time. He denied even knowing me when I told him I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it. I thought I meant more to him than that, but it was clear I didn’t.
QUE: That must have been incredibly hard for you. What did you do when you found out you were pregnant?
Itunu: It was devastating. I felt completely alone. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents, and I was scared to tell them. I didn’t even know how to tell Ose. So, I reached out to my friends, hoping they’d help me figure things out. They suggested that I should get an abortion. They told me it was the best option, nothing would change if I kept the baby, and it would be easy to go back to the way things were. I was scared, and I didn’t feel like I had many choices, so I went through with it.
QUE: That must have been an extremely difficult decision. How did you feel after the abortion? Did it bring the relief you hoped for?
Itunu: Honestly, no. I thought everything would go back to normal, but it didn’t. I felt even worse. The physical pain was bad, but the emotional pain was worse. I felt like I had made a mistake I could never take back. I thought I was doing something to fix my life, but all I did was make things harder for myself. I remember feeling so empty like I had lost something important. I thought I was going to glow after all of this skin glowing, body glowing, everything but instead, I just felt lost.
QUE: It’s clear that the decision has stayed with you. What would you tell other girls who are facing similar pressure, trying to get that “glow”?
Itunu: “If you follow the wrong path, don’t expect to reach the right destination.” That’s a proverb that I’ve come to understand the hard way. I want to tell young girls not to fall for the lie that they need to be something they’re not just to be loved or accepted. The pressure to “glow” is real, but it’s a false glow. It’s not worth it. If I had known what I know now, I would have stayed true to myself. I wouldn’t have let anyone pressure me into making a decision I wasn’t ready for. I would have walked away from that party, stayed focused on my studies, and trusted that I didn’t need to do anything drastic to be worthy.
QUE: That’s such an important lesson. How would you say you’ve grown from this experience?
Itunu: I’ve learned that I don’t need anyone’s approval to feel good about myself. I’ve learned that the “glow” isn’t about how your skin looks or how many people want to be around you. It’s about loving and respecting yourself enough to make good choices. It’s about realizing that your worth is not defined by your appearance or the validation of others. And it’s about knowing that it’s okay to say no to things that don’t feel right.
QUE: So, do you think that chasing the “glow” is worth it?
Itunu: Not. The pressure to look perfect, to have the ideal body, to always be glowing it’s all a facade. No one tells you about the emotional scars, the health risks, and the consequences that come with trying to fit that image. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy, but in the end, it’s not worth it. The real glow comes from within. It’s not something you can fake or force. And it’s not worth sacrificing your future for.
QUE: Thank you so much, Itunu, for sharing your story. Your experience is a painful but important reminder for all of us about the consequences of chasing the wrong things.
Itunu’s story is a sobering reminder that the pressure to fit in or chase a certain image can lead to life-altering decisions. The journey toward true confidence and self-worth comes from within, not from external validation or the fleeting promise of a perfect appearance.
Every girl has the power to choose wisely, to take a step back, and to embrace who theymy truly are without giving in to the trends of the moment.
I Believe In You Girl
Disclaimer
The names, places, and events in this story are not real. They were created to keep everything private and confidential. Any similarity to real-life people or events is just a coincidence.
